Beginnings

Beginnings are like endings, they have the potential to wreak havoc on your life, or add the most unexpected joys. The trick is how you deal with them, do you react or do you make the most of them?

Decisions are dangerous too, one slip and you are in a hell of your own making, but a good choice can float your boat for a long time. So how do I make the most of this new toy - my blog? I originally intended to share some wisdom I've learned along the way, but now that I write this, I think that I run the risk of sounding like some blow-hard who sounds like they know it all.

I think I'll pass on the advice for the most part, the world is full of people who have advice to give, and most of us don't listen anyway. I do have one tiny thing I'd like to say to young women who are lost in life: be self-sufficient.

I don't mean try to become independantly wealthy. Wealth is good if you know how to use it and it doesn't use you, but few people can manage it without becoming unhappy. Being self-sufficient as a woman is a powerful thing. If you can support yourself and learn to be your own person, happily, without the aid of someone else, you will never have to depend upon someone else to survive except in extreme emergencies.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to know that whatever happens to your job, your family, your friends, you know how to survive and weather the storm without being a burden upon someone else? How comforting it could be to have the confidence that you can love someone without having to cling to them for support if things turn sour! So many women end up in relationships that are unhealthy and dangerous because they are afraid and feel they have no where to go.

Speaking as someone who has left a relationship when it went bad, before it got worse, I know what it is like to be homeless and afraid. I know what kind of strength it takes to keep yourself safe when your fear trys to force you to go back to a bad situation just because you are afraid that there is no where to go. The trick is to convince your fear that there is a place to go, you just haven't decided where that is yet.

That is the key, you have decisions to make, you have choices, you just have to be willing to do the work to find out what those choices are, and decide what way to go about making them happen. When I left my husband, it was in a hurry and in a panic. I was fortunate to have had a job at the time where I had made friends that lived nearby. I simply found one of them and had a boo-hoo session, calmed down, talked it out and started searching amoung my co-workers for someone who could handly a temporary room mate.

Once I found her, I went home when he wasn't there, packed up what I wanted (this was before he knew I was leaving) and split. A great deal of things were left behind, I later had a sit-down discussion with him with friends present about what I wanted that I had come into the relationship with. (This is very tricky, I wouldn't advise this unless you are VERY certain that you will be safe, that he is calm, and you have done everything you can think of to make sure you are able to leave safely and have witnesses present).

My wants at the time were pretty meager, my biggest concern was my own safety and getting out of there with a clean break. I didn't care about the expensive sterio and entertainment system he treasured, I wanted my clothes, my personal possessions and family heirlooms, and that was it. The rest of it could be replaced, my body and my sanity could not.